Although I was posting about black hair, I recently wrote about emotionally draining people, who suck your energy like a sponge. I said:
…such ‘drainage’ shows up in life not as a relevance to who they are, but to who you are; as an opportunity to create a relationship with how you react to situations.
I received a few comments and emails concerning that particular element of the post so I thought I’d develop on that.
First of all folks, it is impossible to completely eliminate emotional drainage from our lives and any self-help book that claims the opposite is lying. However, what is possible is to take control of the situations that cause it.
OK, picture yourself waking up refreshed after a good night’s sleep. Think of it as waking up with a full set of bars on your battery. Now sticking to the battery analogy, compare yourself to a mobile phone that needs a certain amount of battery to last through a day.
Even before you leave your house that same morning you might use up a bar: You might reach for your lint roller and simultaneously spill your unreasonably expensive ecological washing powder on the floor when rushing to your first school lecture. You might be pedantic to the unhealthy extent that although you are running late, you just have to sweep it up before leaving. As soon as you start sweeping though, you might discover that brooms and washing powder don’t mix, so you might bring out your vacuum cleaner and your mop, all the while stressing about the time.
Or you might have smoother mornings than me 😉
Point is, I was loosing battery bars and I knew it. Luckily they were replaced by an almost empty bus arriving right as I stepped outside my front door. So with a full bar restored I went on about my day, loosing and replacing battery power, or energy, in equal measures. Most days are like that, and then we go to sleep and recharge.
However, this post is about those days when something or someone uses up so many bars that you have to cope with the rest of the day with a low battery, ie feeling tired, angry, sad, irritated…
As stated, such situations are inevitable; we all have me-me-me friends that drain us out, or bosses that seem not to have had sex in years, or a dentist that doesn’t understand that your toothache is the most important thing in his or her life if they want to keep it.
In order to take control of the situation you need to come to the realisation that only you can pre-serve your battery power. So when you meet up with that me-me-me friend and tell him or her about how you’ve landed a job as the vice president of the MI5 and they reply, ‘cool’, before carrying on to tell you about how their ex colleague’s dog’s got lice, then instead of getting mad, or disappointed, or feeling that your pride has been hurt, think of your battery. Ask yourself if it’s worth loosing any bars over someone who acts like that? I’m not saying be indifferent by the way, but just realise that noone but you allows yourself to be drained.
When I googled this topic I found out that there are tons of articles about energy vampires, here’s one
Oh and watch this for bearing 🙂
Annoying People
Uploaded by greensville123. – See more comedy videos.
How do you cope with energy-draining situations?
teachermrw says
Such an excellent and timely post for so many of us! Energy vampires – a perfect moniker. How do I cope with energy-draining situation? It’s certainly a formidable challenge – especially when people drain one’s proverbial batteries. I find that such people and situations cause me to either sleep more, or loose sleep. There’s no happy medium. Talking with my family – mother, father, brother – helps considerably.
MsAfropolitan says
Thanks for sharing, i do also talk to family and friends for a recharge and that’s a great way.
Will keep y’all posted as I travel along the journey to ‘living life with a full battery’ – oh dear, that sounds like a self-help book title ;)!
Roschelle says
know just the type people you’re talking about. i tend to steer clear of them when i can. example: a girlfriend that’s very dear to me would call me at least once a day to bemoan, begrudge, and complain about people we knew, people i didn’t know and people who shouldn’t have mattered. talking to her was so exhausting. i eventually pulled away from her completely. and as strange as this may sound, i don’t miss it at all 🙂
another habit i have which often gets me in trouble is tuning people out. i can be looking right at them while they’re talking. but because they’re such me-me-me people they don’t realize that the only verbal input i’ve given in the conversation for the last 15 minutes it Really!?. that’s all i have to say whenever they pause for a breath.
trouble is… sometimes they’ve asked me something that the word “really” isn’t an appropriate response for. in those cases, i have to say Girllll…. say that again 😉
MsAfropolitan says
lollll
I’m trying to become a better listener, not because I thought I was a bad one, in fact I’m one of those ppl that others call to yes…bemoan, begrudge and complain so I always considered myself someone who listens. But I found that sometimes I thought I was listening but I wasn’t, I was analysing
So now, I’m learning to reeeally listen, like to the words underneath the words, it’s crazy the things you learn about people that way. And you do learn when someone really just likes the sound of their voice, in which case I think it’s wise to conclude that the friendship might not be developing for time being anyway. I’ve cut such ppl off too, with no remorse !
Tony Hastings says
Yes I can relate to that, great expression ‘Energy Vampires’!
Have met a few in my time, most often at work where it’s harder to avoid them. I feel the best way to cope is to try not to fight their negativity with your own positive energy, that’s what drains those batteries and you won’t change them. Slip you emotions into neutral until you escape their clutches and keep your own levels high.
Enjoyable post Minna, thanks.
Tony
MsAfropolitan says
This is one of my favourite things about freelancing is that you don’t have to pick up bad energy from co-workers. They are possibly the worst energy vampires 🙂
Thanks Tony for sharing, I think it’s difficult to learn how to slip to neutral, it’s taken me this long, but now that I’m getting the hang of it, I believe there is indeed no better way than to detach whilst still taking part if that makes sense.
Best
beeladonna says
LOL @ the video!!! why wld they do that? … LOL if I was in his position I bet i’ll run laughing my ass out while tweeting about the experience HAHA!
And OMG u’re such a neat freak!!! LOL i’ll leave everything there till I get back only thing that makes me miss my bus is a last minute fridge check LOL a girls got to eat! :-p … I bet you arrived at your first lecture thinking *wwoooossshhhhh I made it* … did anything go wrong that day though? Starting the day badly causes a chain reaction if you don’t shake it off LOL seriously …
I like the battery analogy. Now every time I come across a energy vampire i’ll be thinking ” I’m a mobile and my battery is draining bar by bar, hmm time to run”
😛 … I believe I said enough about energy vampire in my comment on your other post!
x
MsAfropolitan says
I came in through the door on time but sweaty and hot despite it being one of the colder days we’ve had. Then I opened the window behind me, and probably ended up with a few ppl in the lecture disliking me as they rolled their scarves around them. So yeah, I guess that was a bit of a chain reaction!
Oh well 😉
I need to learn to loosen up with my obsessive tidiness!
The clip is hilarious, how mean! But I guess it’s the ultimate test of how well an employee would cope under pressure aye!
Have a great recharged weekend hun x
Myne Whitman says
Hi Minna, I must have lost your feed when your URL changed. This is a great new place, kudos.
That’s so funny, the title I mean but it explains the situation aptly. I hate discussing people especially negatively and that is my main pet peeve when it comes to conversations. I will probably distance myself from someone with this habit. To recharge, I read. What else? 🙂
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
MsAfropolitan says
Hi Myne! Thanks for stopping by and the appreciation.
Reading is indeed a wonderful recharge and way to take things off your mind!
And I can relate to your pet peeve, i find it especially bothersome when people I barely know tell me the business of others that I barely know, very draining!
Hope all is well with you.
1960chick says
Tell me about energy vampires…I have too many of them in my life. And it’s a constant battle trying to keep myself sane without coming off as a bad friend.
The battery analogy is spot on…I had one of those days last week, i spilled my breakfast cereal, missed the bus, got caught in the rain, my hair and shoes were ruined…all before 9am! and one of my friends had the audacity to BBM me saying what a bad friend I am, cos i wasn’t replying her messages in which she just moaned about the same boyfriends he has been complaining about for 2 years! Forgetting that i always listen…Sorry I just had to have a mini rant..LOL
Love ur blog by the way…just stumbled across it…will def be visiting more
MsAfropolitan says
Hey chick, thanks for stopping by.
I think in order to keep our batteries charged we just need to do what we need to do, even if it might mean coming off as a bad friend. A good, or should I say mature (because maturity is what builds ‘good’ relationships) should appreciate that such early hrs complaints might not result in your full attention. That’s the other problem, we are so reachable nowadays so energy vampires can bite uninterruptedly via bb, fb, twitter…LOL
Hope you’ve had an awesome week so far and thanks for the blog love